A Call To Remember and Obey

This is one of my favorite thanksgiving passages, the Lord provides:

Deuteronomy 8

8 “Be careful to obey all the commands I am giving you today. Then you will live and multiply, and you will enter and occupy the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors. ² Remember how the Lord your God led you through the wilderness for these forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands. ³ Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with manna, a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. ⁴ For all these forty years your clothes didn’t wear out, and your feet didn’t blister or swell. ⁵ Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the Lord your God disciplines you for your own good.

⁶ “So obey the commands of the Lord your God by walking in his ways and fearing him. ⁷ For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land of flowing streams and pools of water, with fountains and springs that gush out in the valleys and hills. ⁸ It is a land of wheat and barley; of grapevines, fig trees, and pomegranates; of olive oil and honey. ⁹ It is a land where food is plentiful and nothing is lacking. It is a land where iron is as common as stone, and copper is abundant in the hills. ¹⁰ When you have eaten your fill, be sure to praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.
¹¹ “But that is the time to be careful! Beware that in your plenty you do not forget the Lord your God and disobey his commands, regulations, and decrees that I am giving you today. ¹² For when you have become full and prosperous and have built fine homes to live in, ¹³ and when your flocks and herds have become very large and your silver and gold have multiplied along with everything else, be careful! ¹⁴ Do not become proud at that time and forget the Lord your God, who rescued you from slavery in the land of Egypt. ¹⁵ Do not forget that he led you through the great and terrifying wilderness with its poisonous snakes and scorpions, where it was so hot and dry. He gave you water from the rock! ¹⁶ He fed you with manna in the wilderness, a food unknown to your ancestors. He did this to humble you and test you for your own good. ¹⁷ He did all this so you would never say to yourself, ‘I have achieved this wealth with my own strength and energy.’ ¹⁸ Remember the Lord your God. He is the one who gives you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant he confirmed to your ancestors with an oath.
¹⁹ “But I assure you of this: If you ever forget the Lord your God and follow other gods, worshiping and bowing down to them, you will certainly be destroyed. ²⁰ Just as the Lord has destroyed other nations in your path, you also will be destroyed if you refuse to obey the Lord your God.

Love you guys, I am thankful for you guys and thank God that I have two amazing brothers to walk along side me through life. Happy Thanksgiving.

prosperity gospel?

so i've been in the library a tad too many hours lately. so when i check my twitter and all the peeps are hittin me up (aka none) i sometimes get distracted. but the weird thing about twitter is sometimes random people "follow" you. i don't know why. and you have no say in the matter! if some rando tried to be my facebook friend, i'd block them so quick. anyways, some twitter person followed me so i check out their "page" is what i think it's called. you can see it here. and then there is a link to their website so i click on that which takes me here.
my thought process goes something like this, "oh whatever cool they want people to give back... good idea i gue.. wait what?!? it says (and i quote), 'you deserve to be rich - financially, emotionally, spiritually, and in all areas of life'. um excuse me? wanna back that up a bit?"
i just don't know where in the Bible someone would get that. it is like they never read Job or Psalm 88. there is nothing positive or rich about those passages. don't get me wrong, God has blessed me beyond what i deserved and frankly beyond what i asked for.  i want hardships.  i know for a fact i have a hard time accepting love and help.  and it is almost like i don't need to because my life is so easy, too easy.  at the very least, i know that i do not 'deserve to be rich - financially, emotionally, spiritually and in all areas of life'

1O LORD, God of my salvation; I cry out day and night before you.2Let my prayer come before you; incline your ear to my cry!3For my soul is full of troubles, and my life draws near to Sheol.4I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am a man who has no strength,5like one set loose among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, like those whom you remember no more, for they are cut off from your hand.6You have put me in the depths of the pit, in the regions dark and deep.7Your wrath lies heavy upon me, and you overwhelm me with all your waves. Selah8You have caused my companions to shun me; you have made me a horror to them. I am shut in so that I cannot escape;9my eye grows dim through sorrow. Every day I call upon you, O LORD; I spread out my hands to you.10Do you work wonders for the dead? Do the departed rise up to praise you? Selah11Is your steadfast love declared in the grave, or your faithfulness in Abaddon?12Are your wonders known in the darkness, or your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?13But I, O LORD, cry to you; in the morning my prayer comes before you.14O LORD, why do you cast my soul away? Why do you hide your face from me?15Afflicted and close to death from my youth up, I suffer your terrors; I am helpless.16Your wrath has swept over me; your dreadful assaults destroy me.17They surround me like a flood all day long; they close in on me together.18You have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me; my companions have become darkness.

~Psalm 88

break from studying.

for lack of time for a full post, here is something to hold your interest when a study break is necessary. but do not fear, a post will come soon.

worst music video of all time?

and after that

cutest eating contest of all time?

whoa...finally posted...

Well another summer come and gone and classes have begun. first week completed and 29 weeks of classes remain (not including finals week).
ups and downs for sure. praises for getting a killer job at nordy's and succeeding in it. downs with....well you guys know (relationship problems) haha.

Another up was that I was blessed to be able travel the world, or a little section of it this summer...yes im talkin about Italy. Amazing.

It was super interesting to see ruins that dated all the way back to the time of Jesus. it felt like being there in a way. the architecture was amazing, its hard to believe it only took 8 years for the Colosseum to be built without modern tools or cranes. it was built 80 years after Jesus died, and as you walk in you can hear the sounds of the crowds just like the games are still going on...i wanted to jump into the middle of the arena and act out a scene from gladiator...Russell Crowe style!!

I enjoyed walking around on the cobblestone streets of rome seeing a different culture and lifestyle take place. best part about the culture was the siesta which was observed everyday from 1-around 4 pm. not to mention the food was pretty bomb to (not in rome, everywhere else).

We did some hiking along a row of these coastal towns called the Chinque-terre and was able to see the Mediterranean, so blue and beautiful. Interesting history of these towns, they were all isolated and weren't able for the children to meet potential partners so they build these trails/roads from town to town so that the kids could meet up on the paths and fall in love...or something like that. All along the trails there are pad locks placed by tourists that 'fell in love' on these paths. I had no such luck in meeting an Italian dream boat but i did break a pretty good sweat from the heat.

So much more to tell about this trip but ill save it for our next skype session, otherwise this post would be super long and boring (it already is boring).

Finally I've been reading a book called: Not A Fan by Kyle Idleman for our house bible study and ive got to say...as a non reader...this book is pretty stinkin good. only a chapter or two into it but its a call out for sure. the whole premise of the book is asking are you a FOLLOWER of Jesus or are you a FAN of Jesus. My favorite part or sentences from the book so far is this: "The biggest threat to the church today is fans who call themselves Christians but aren't actually interested in following Christ. They want to be close enough to Jesus to get all the benefits, but not so close it requires anything from them." That really makes me think. This is going to be a good call out for myself and hopefully more guys in the house. Please be praying for us! Can't wait to learn more by reading this book and hopefully I am called to reform in areas of my life so that I can be a true FOLLOWER of Jesus Christ.

hellbound?

okok my brain is mush. but i tried writing down initial thoughts in my journal so hopefully this is a little bit more organized and succinct.  but i just got back from a movie in downtown pasadena and sat through an hour and a half of a cinematic package of theological banter about hell.  now i'm going to give some points that the movie made and ask a bunch of questions because i think this should be a discussion! the main reason i think this should be a discussion is because i had never had one about this subject.  for me at least, it felt almost taboo.  and of course it wasn't but it was just never spoken of.  so this was super cool to hear multiple positions and them each be supported by people who actually believe them rather than a professor who is just listing various theories.  but here goes nothing!

the two main theories discussed in the movie were the classical view of an eternal, punishing hell that contains people sent there because they did not accept Christ's offer of being the way, the truth, and the life.  the universal view contains a temporal hell.  there are some various offshoots in terms of the length and condition of that hell and even who goes there which i'll bring up but that's the main tenant.

i really don't have a great way to discuss the rest of the movie so i'm gonna do a good ole bullet point approach to some of the takeaways i had.  not necessarily things i agreed with and not necessarily did i disagree with them either. just thought provoking stuff.
  ps i'm going to say "i" instead of "we" because i'll own up to what i'm saying but feel free to include yourself in what i say if it applies

• i take on assumptions that are given to me as dogmatic or factual.  obviously, hell was one of those things where i was never given an alternative to the classic view. 
• if i believe that God seeks to be one with His creation and is also all-powerful, then why would there be a permanent hell?  if there is a permanent hell then there are two options, either God is not powerful enough to save everyone and see His will come to fruition or God does not want to save His creation.  He may have a select group who He called (called calvinism and commonly held belief by pastors such as mark driscoll) and only they will be saved.  how is this loving and also how does this fulfill His desire to be one with His creation?
• a common argument for a permanent, punishing hell is the identification of evil people such as hitler.  surely hitler cannot be strolling in the pearly gates with me on the day of judgement.  but if i do this, i condemn hitler ourselves and deny him Christ's grace that i turn around and expect to be bestowed upon me.  who made me the judge?
• could the eschatology of hell and heaven have arisen from the human view of justice which primarily comes out of retribution?  i want evil done to those who did evil so i impose hell on the text to satisfy my human desire for retribution.  i sure hope that my view of justice is not the same as Christ's view of justice.  and if it isn't the same, who am i to define what His view is? could it not supersede my understanding?
• universalists have never proposed the lack of hell, only the lack of a permanent, suffering hell.  when we pass through the refining fire (1 Cor 3:11-5) the wheat will be burned off to allow the silver, gold and precious stones to remain.  could that maybe indicate that we all pass through "hell" and have our sin burned away so that only our Christ-like attributes remain?  this may mean that hell lasts longer for the hitlers of the world while mother theresa just dips her little toe in but could we all experience it?  
• "hell is a human desire. i would suggest that Christ ethics supersede human ethics"
• "we don't read the bible as it is, we read the bible as we are" ~ thomas talbott
• "if we really believed in hell, we wouldn't be in college, we would be like schindler from schindler's list, trying to sell his ring just to save one person.  maybe the westboro baptist church contains the only people who actually believe in hell" 
• and finally, if we hold a universalist eschatology, what does that mean for the great commission? for evangelism?

that's all i got. let the discussion begin between each of us, and our respective friends at school. by no means do we have to get all heated about this, for none of us have the answer.  but honest, fair and civil discourse can do nothing but improve our theology and our view of the great God we serve and strive to love. 

what's your "train"?

pretty simple, poking around donald miller's blog as usual and stumbled upon a little link to this website here.  so if it is good enough for donald miller, it's good enough for me. so i read it and it was really neat because i think that it is easy to be apathetic.  at the very least our culture doesn't necessarily encourage us to be all out gung-ho for things. we gotta be cool, calm and collected. but i think that God created us to be wildly passionate, do things on an impulse, live life without caring what others think.  i think God created us to be screaming at trains, having others stare at us for knowing what a "snc52" is.

also, i can see nathan bofto being that guy.

happenings.

man-o-man. it's been awhile so this will be a biggie. got my journal by my side to recount it all so grab a glass of ice cold squirt and sit down.

reading the post of the woman from the theater that cully threw up was so encouraging. because so often we hold to a prosperity gospel that God is good only when He allows good in our life. but more and more lately i want struggles. i don't want things to be easy. i want God to trust me with difficulties, tough stuff not because i can handle it. that is precisely why i want them, because i want to rely on God, pray to Him, lean on Him. and that woman was a real life example of what it meant to lean into the everlasting arms of our Savior.

in the car heading back to school, i had tons of time to think. that may even be an understatement. and as i reflected over the summer, i was so thankful for it. i got fun, got work, and got to be home. but honestly, i didnt feel as if i was as intentional about my relationship with my Savior as i could have been. i say this because of thoughts that elicited from a young life kid's reaction to hearing about Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. when asked why she was crying, she said, "i just don't know why i am not constantly thinking about what He did." so simple yet so eloquent. because if we believe in the sacrifice and the fact that Jesus gave his life, why should we not give our thoughts and actions?

and camp. whew! it has been "over" for 5 days and i'm still recovering. we had the same four guys from last year, gus / dane / kurt / chad + jacob / joseph / connor. so 7 soon-to-be juniors hanging out.  the camp speaker's name was ken tankersley so everyone just called him tank. and he did such a great job making Jesus relatable, the gospel applicable, and life with Christ realistic. in his words, "we talked about life, we talked about God and we talked about life with God."  it was just so great hearing open and honest conversation from the guys about the different aspects of the gospel and Jesus' story.  even guys who didn't really want anything to do with the gospel said they enjoyed being able to be perfectly themselves at camp without having to pretend to be somebody else to please others.  and that was awesome. getting to see guys who never are in the same social circle back home hang out, enjoy each other and learn about one another's lives.

one of the cooler stories that tank outlined from the gospel was the story of the rich young ruler in mark 10.  i think i appreciated it even more when paired with the gospel. i'll get to why in a bit. but tank laid out that the rich young ruler came up and understood all the rules and regulations. he had kept the commandments and followed the 613 prohibitions from the torah. but when he came to Jesus, he was hoping he could add another title to his name.  he wanted to become the rich young religious ruler. he wanted to keep the three other things that defined him but add onto his life. i can so often relate to desiring to add God onto my life instead of making Him my life. and that is how it related to the talk about the crucifixion.  because when Jesus died for me, it was like a proposal for new and full life. it is easy to say "yes" but another thing completely to commit.  i could say "yes" and change my relationship status on facebook but it won't matter until i change my lifestyle to reflect my commitment.

finally, jonah werner did music for the camp and he was the same guy who did music for my work crew session.  it was so much fun hearing his music once again and his amazing story telling. he continually pointed his stories towards the message of the gospel and i loved it. it made me hope that whatever profession i choose / chooses me, that i can use it to the same effect.  if you don't have his music, lemme know. because it's good.

and being back has been interesting because i'm pretty much alone without people at apu being here. summer classes are over, r.a.'s are on training, most researchers went home for the month and it's just me. in my super hot apartment because the a/c is broken. today it was 93 degrees. in. my. apartment. but it has been nice to walk with the young life guys through navigating home life after camp. because as great as camp is, it is mostly a glimpse of what life can be like it you allow it. camp represents the highs in home life while you still eventually come down (law of undulation - thank you westerberg).

so as disjointed as this was, that has been a mere glimpse of the past few weeks.

Open Letter

brothas! dude's had to share this song. Probably one of the best i've ever heard. Yeah i said it. One of the best I've ever heard.....


 It tells the story of letters that this artist (KB) has received from fans asking for prayer. The first one tells of a woman and her struggles and the next verse (my favorite) tells of a man and his temptations that I can relate to. 


The other featured artist (Trip Lee) responds with a prayer of his own to God on their behalf. Just a beautiful picture of people coming and praying for their brothers and sisters in Christ. It just goes to show you that we as Christians have struggles. I'm realizing that more and more every day as God reveals to me some of my own. It is becoming clear how desperately broken I am and utterly dependent on God I really am.

For me this song really puts it into words how HARD it is to be a Christian/stay pure in this world. And how life is a battlefield and we gotta make some WAR! 

Read the lyrics as you listen.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=widSI1aQN8s

Midnight Movie Madness

So the other night Austin, Chloe and i went to "The Dark Knight Rises"...first off it was epic and my first midnight showing ever (made it even cooler to me). Then i heard about the shooting the next morning, shocking, sad, confusing, and angering.

I was browsing the internet machine and discovered this article due to the never-failing share button on @facebook...but i was glad because this article really portrays a godly viewpoint on the past situation: check it out vvvvv

http://aminiatureclaypot.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/so-you-still-think-god-is-a-merciful-god/

Bromance

truth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMFHZv7jGfc&feature=relmfu

The Good Life.

What is it? When the words run across your eyes what do you think of? The good life. The Life. When someone asks, "how ya doing?" And you respond with, "I'm living the life." While your answer may be laced with some humor, what's hidden in that response is what has been driven into us by our culture. Culture, media, the "American Dream" have all told us what this good life is: Get rich, grace yourself with dapper clothes, grab a few honies along the way, drink it up. Basically....live lavishly and get other people to respect you for it.

I find it interesting to be in a position where one year can change a person's financial position in the blink of an eye. One day they are playing collegiate football and barely scraping by, the next they have just signed a 6 figure contract and are playing in what most consider the highest league of all professional sports in the U.S. To put it plainly, they got it made. They are now living the "life" they dreamed about and what our culture has sold us on what life's supposed to be like. Fancy cars, louis vuitton handbags club appearances, large twitter following.

But is that all? Is that right there the life we were created to live? No. Not even close. The true Good Life is this:

John 10:10-11
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have LIFE and have it abundantly.    
                                 How?           


 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." [emphasis added]

Jesus calls us, not to a dour, lifeless, miserable existence that squashes human potential. Let's face it. That's all the world promises. It leaves you broken and destroyed. It kills you. But Christ calls us to a rich, full, joyful life, one overflowing with meaningful activities under the personal favor and blessing of God and in continual fellowship with his people. That's the life I wanna be living. I wanna be livin the Good Life.

Church Clothes

stop what you're doing right now and download Lecrae's new mixtape "Church Clothes". It's his effort to try to hit mainstream hip-hop right where a lot of dudes get their music. His basic message is that God wants us as we are. we don't have to "dress up" to go to church; we can come as we are.

Lecrae says it better: "Don't worry too much about what you wear today. Today is about Jesus getting up. Not us getting dressed up."

free download bros.

http://www.datpiff.com/Lecrae-Church-Clothes-mixtape.348497.html?utm_campaign=piff.me&utm_source=http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FGx7DtSRz&h=BAQF1XZdD&utm_medium=piff.me

http://vimeo.com/41011190

check out P-town!

daily bread.

some things are said so well once, there's no point in trying to recreate or respond to. one of my teacher's has a blog and his latest post was exactly that for me. so here it is, michael bruner's post on any average day: 

"A pretty ordinary day today. Went to church ~ preached, actually ~ and witnessed 3 baptisms, served the Eucharist to about 100 people, and came home exhausted afterwards to watch some basketball on TV. Then went to my aunt’s and uncle’s to celebrate my birthday. Big 47. We ate 7-layer dip, drank some wine and sparkling cider, ate some tasty chicken, blew the candles out atop a chocolate cake, opened some presents, told old worn-out stories to each other that we’ve heard a million times, then piled in the car to come back home. My wife jumped in the shower with our baby boy, then with our daughter, while I got the birds in, fed the dog, and put away the day’s detritus. Then put my son to bed, gave my daughter her nightly hug, and listened to my wife fall asleep with our little girl after reading her a story and lying quietly next to her. An ordinary day.

And yet…

A pretty extraordinary day today. Gathered with God’s people to worship, in fits and starts, for much the same way God has been worshiped for 600 years, and 1400 years before that. Smart doctors, successful lawyers, rich financiers, and long-suffering grandparents all joined in the ruckus, listened to God’s Word broken over the Road to Emmaus story, witnessed the life-changing event of three young lives being committed to the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and prayed to the air expecting a God to overhear our mumblings. Ate the body and blood of the One called Savior, not once but twice ~ and served it, too, on a platter dripping with meaning we’ll never understand. Saw my wife watching me from the back of the sanctuary and wondered what she thought of this man, her husband, up there talking about the inevitability of doubt on the road to faith. Found myself knee-deep in symbolism, felt myself thick in the pull of ancient truths, and saw ordinary people in over their collective heads in the midst of it with me. Then came home in a dizzying spell of existential fatigue, took my own short walk to my Emmaus, then just as quickly rejoined the world in the blood-soaked, heart-rending, humor-filled, time-honored tradition of a family get-together where more wounds have been inflicted and more love suffered together than you can possibly imagine. Then came home to grow old with my family another day, to wash each other, feed each other, hold each other, speak to each other in quick staccato bursts ~ to love each other, in other words, on a day none of us will remember two weeks–much less ten years–from now, and yet it will be precisely because of days like this that we will sob uncontrollably at each others’ many deaths and try to catch that last, dying scent we call love-and-time when they’re rolled up together in an indistinguishable heap of being-ness. And then my house grew silent as my loves each fell asleep, one by one . . . surrendering to the night whatever silences the day had brought. And I found myself alone again, just as I’d awoken, but this time alone with more questions than before. And a day’s more love. And joy and sadness. An extraordinary day."

via http://exfontibus.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/my-daily-bread/

provoking.

went to a seminar last saturday. can you say nerd? but the woman who spoke was so wise. among other things, i found this the most convicting / cool / thought provoking aka i wanna do this.

"now when people ask me, 'megan, how is your day?' i have tried to have a reflex of thinking before i answer, 'it is not mine, it is His. what am i doing with it? am i wasting my breath?' which is only to say that i make a conscious thought to realize that my life is not about me."

i didn't have a recorder so that isn't an exact quote but you get the gist.  it was a really cool perspective on the whole He > i thing.

do with this as you wish.

I Live For This

Lord Hear my prayer:

Luke 18:1-8

It's time to show what I can do. At practice today Coach Phillips and Coach Jones made it clear that I am earning playing time right now. During 7on7 they told me to take 4 reps and rest 2, which is a butt-load. Whoo... I was tired after that, but this entire week I need to make plays. I earn it now, not during Fall Camp. They make their decisions on who plays during the Spring.

"No Pressure No Diamonds"

I've prepared. I'm ready. I just need to make the spectacular ordinary. Every day I need to make a play. Every day I need strength. Lord, I am weak! You are the author and perfecter of my faith. Let me not be put to shame! I believe I'm here for a reason, but sometimes I play tenative. Fill me with your power. Your Holy Spirit, the same one that raised Lazarus from the dead! You are the Giver of Good. My heart isn't living for this life, and I wanna bring as many people with me when this life ends. Show your power. But not my will but YOURS. If it doesn't work out, I will still love You.

Father, hear my prayer.

New Album...

Bro's check out itunes....John Mayers new album drops May 22!! Get dat pre-order foolz!

mexico.

okok from the top.

went to mexico with apu for spring break. there's the news if i never communicated it with you. went with a medical focused team and our goal was to do physical therapy for kids with different disabilities.  most of them had cerebral palsy which is a form of rigid paralysis or muscular dystrophy which is flaccid paralysis so we did different exercises and stretches with them.  there is tons to say about the trip but i'll try to condense it the best i can.

we drove down from apu last saturday.  the trip took 5 hours or so and it was fun getting to know the people in the car who were on my team.  we had meetings before the trip to get to know each other but i didn't really go to many of those... we got in-n-out before the border (i'm an in-n-out convert, can't help it) and then headed into mexico.  the difference in the urban landscape and demographics was pretty stark.  we were in mexicali which is a region of mexico that is primarily agriculture with nearly zero tourist attraction.  got to our camp site which was really just an empty field and claimed our spot for our tent.  pitched that bad boy up and i picked my spot on the ground.  kinda forgot a sleeping pad but the dust under the tent was surprisingly soft.  

sunday was our first day working and we went to pick up saul and gustavo.  saul was the most functional cerebral palsy kid we had (see below: biceps for dayz)

but besides being functional, he had the greatest attitude.  saul's mom told us that every day he would wake up at 6 so he could get ready in time. even though we didn't pick him up til close to 9.  everyday he would be sitting in his walker in the driveway waiting for us.  that smile was plastered on his face all week.  he also loved american pop music and he listened to it on his own so even though he didn't speak english he would sing along to some of his favorite songs.  sometimes the words weren't exactly right but it was all because he just listened to the songs and phonetically sounded them out.  

gustavo was a kid with a disorder that is similar to non-comunicative autism but also manifests itself with excessive eating.  gustavo is 6 but he's over 110 pounds.  such a chubby bunny.  and because he can't communicate, he gets frustrated easily when he doesn't get what he wants.  which is hard to know because he can't communicate.  but when gustavo is happy, he is the cutest fat little mexican boy you have ever seen. 

case and point. 

the other kid that was one of my favorites was thomas.  he was a punk.  he learned some english words and would repeat them at funny times.  favorite thomas quotes : "sup dude (with the head nod)" "massage!" "come onnnnn" "stop (said to men trying to enter/exit car before girls)" "dayummmmmmmmm"  but it was really cool to see thomas' attitude progress throughout the week.  the last day he even said he was upset because we were leaving.  which was bitter because we were leaving but sweet because he actually cared. below is thomas and i thuggin it up at tacos after the clinic. 

but onto the important stuff. the things i learned about while in mexico.  i got to see the mom's handling their kid's adversity and the adversity of their economic standing.  these people lived on around $35 a week with kids having disabilities.  one mom and grandma stood out from the rest. their son was named emmanuel and had severe c.p.  he was 22 and constantly in the fetal position because of the severity.  he couldn't communicate at all and by all appearances didn't know what was going on.  his mom held him like a baby because he wasn't much bigger than one and essentially had to be treated like one.  but every morning that we picked them up, mom and grandma came out just giggling and smiling about who knows what.  but really.  by american standards, what did they have to giggle and laugh about?  they had nothing to their name except a downtrodden home and a severely disabled kid.  but their joy was undeniable and that was so... encouraging? different? surprising?

the other cool thing was the fact that we actually made a difference.  i was semi skeptical about the impact the trip would have because sometimes short term missions seem more about the people serving than the actual service.  which is not bad but i wanted to get my hands dirty and do something.  there was a noticeable improvement in the conditions of some of the kids by the end of the week which would help increase their ability to function.  and more important than that was the interactive impact.  when we dropped off saul on thursday night for the last time, he sat in the driveway and cried because he didn't want us to go.  we went inside to his home at his mom's urging and he just sat there hugging us and holding back tears.  we were obviously a highlight of saul's life.  and i don't mean that lightly.  

there is so much more to say but that'll suffice for now. to scratch the surface. mexico was great because as much as we made an impact in the lives of those kids and their families, they made an equal impact on me. 

"we are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life - those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration.  the true test of our spiritual life is in exhibiting the power to descend from the mountain" 

~ my utmost for His Highest

addicting.

in the words of a youtube comment,
"i loathe this song soooo much. but it is so damn catchy."
check it here.
and enjoy the whole thing. from start to finish. especially the finish.

couldn't think up a good title so....

Im reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan and im in love with it....im learning every night i read a chapter and im feeling convicted and wanting to change (these are all good things right). Im also feeling discouraged at the same time. Im one of the chapters Francis Chan talked about how we can grieve the Holy Spirit....make God sad. Ive known this for awhile now and never really thought much about it but for some reason after reading that paragraph I felt this sense of failure. I have failed God for sure...I screw up with the same crap everyday, multiple times a day. I guess I never really took into consideration that my actions or thoughts drew emotion out of God. I hate that I make God 'cry' in a sense daily with my stupid selfish sins that i do everyday. After every night of reading I say my prayers and try to actually mean it when I ask for forgiveness and say ill do better tomorrow. I never do, I may feel like I do but in reality when i think about the day that just happened i didn't.
Look, I know that God forgives me anytime I ask and i know that it won't change my standing in his kingdom when i sin over and over and over and over but I want to change. Im at this point where I get so upset and down on myself whenever I screw up that I feel ashamed to pray and ask for forgiveness because I know I shouldn't get it.
I know I love God but why do I reject him and re-crucify him daily?

Im going to do better, I know as life continues and i learn and grow I will start to change and get better because im working on it and God will reward my efforts if they are lining up with his will. I pray the same for you guys, your doing better than me im sure but it never hurts to be reminded of who we are hurting when we screw up, not just ourselves and others but also God.

Hey on a happier note, ive been praying and thinking about you guys a ton and keep thinking that summer is right around the corner and know that we will have tons to catch up on and talk about! Take time every single day to be silent and listen to the Holy Spirit...who is not some ghost but an actual being...see where God is calling you and what he has planned for our futures!

What is there left to fear?

This post is two-fold. One part is a confession, and the second being a revelation. Hopefully my bros can take some encouragement through this all.

The other day I woke up from a very (and much needed) restful sleep in my own bed at home, and I had that thought of, "Oh, I should dig out the Biblio and start the day off right." But that was quickly washed away with, "Nah, I've got all day; it'll be there later." So I continued on with for a bit, poured myself a couple bowls and cereal, read the paper, checked my facebook to see which fools didn't holla at me (why do I even get my hopes up). A good 2 hours passed of diddling around until I had to stop myself and say, "What the heck am I doing?!!!" (aren't the best conversations the ones we have with ourselves?) I am WAY to comfortable here. My little faith and I cannot even begin to grasp how desperately I need God. When you really stop to think it is ridunculous! First off, this isn't really the ideal time for me to say you know what I think I'm better off on my own. I mean by the end of next week I need to have figured out what major/what the next 2 years of my schooling/life is gonna look like, I'm about to start spring football and golly knows I need to some divine intervention in that. This could be it. Make it or break it time. And there's a couple of other relational blessings I need to focus in on. Yet, here I am going: Nah, I think I'm "goooood" (jim carrey, bruce almighty...ya feel me?) ohn. This ain't going down. The worse part was I truthfully didn't feel that bad for thinking this. I'm not trying to say that the first act we do each morning is crack open our Bibles and get crunk with God, we each have our own way and time/place for that, but it was the full out rebellion that bothered me..... and I was ok with it. Basically, all of this is to say is are we really trusting God with our lives or are we just faking it? Is this real to me? Because if it is then I would sure be believing what I'm reading in Scripture. I would sure be acting on it. But a lot of the time it's easy to forget........sometimes you need help remembering.

That leads us to part 2. For all our bilingual readers and followers this is for you: ¿Cómo te sientes cuando el Dios se revela? ¿Tienes miedo? How many times have I heard that to fear God is to respect him and show reverence to Him? While that may be partly true, I also see dudes in Scripture flat out crapping their pants when they come into the presence of God. Is God terrifying to us? In my case, it's hard to see it until I sit down and ponder. This whole notion came about after our boi Conor Mcwade (holla at ya!) sent a video where Francis Chan went hardcore about Fearing God. The actual idea that God is for reals is absolutely terrifying. But do we ever really experience this aspect of his nature. I think we get horrifying glimpses at it through different ways.

I was out on a hike with my momma this past week up in the gorge. We came across a thundering waterfall (pictured above) and my mom looked up and said, "(more or less) Dang, makes me think how powerful God is, and that's just a little waterfall." Thousands of gallons of water pouring over, able to smash anything and yes, it is just a little waterfall. In the OT while wandering around before the land of Canaan, whenever the Israelites disobeyed God or grumbled against him, he flat toasted them. Look it up if you don't believe me. He threw fire at them! He sent plagues, he swallowed them up with the earth. Yes, God should be feared.

Let's just say we saw God for 5 seconds. That's all I'd need. I've come to understand it would be the scariest moment of my life. Completely horrifying. But God doesn't leave us there. Look at Isaiah 6. (which happens to be the chapter I took my jersey number from......which was basically because Lecrae had a sick song based from this chapter called "Send Me"........hey it had a good message. don't be hatin.) Now, I see this in a totally different light. When Isaiah sees God he cries out "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips...." He sees God's glory and is terrified, but what does God do? One of the angelic beings touches his mouth with burning coal and says,"...your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for." God doesn't let us wither in terror, rather he beckons with, "No,no, you're forgiven, come close to me. You are my children."

Then this thought struck me as soon as Mr. Chan spoke it: “Then we would see, okay, now I know why I need to fear this God. And now I don’t want to just flippantly disobey His commands anymore. I want to take Him seriously, but not just that ... it would change our whole mindset, ‘cause we’d realize, now that I’ve seen Him, I realize there’s nothing else to fear.”

What else is there to scare me? The most terrifying thing is God himself! And he's on my side!

Prov. 19:23 -"The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm."

By first fearing God, we have nothing left of fear. We can lead a fearless life. Man, wouldn't that be fricking sweet. And that's what's promised. I pray the Holy Spirit would give me a real, genuine fear of God. Sometimes it takes just a little trek through the backcountry to get a glimpse of God's power, and remind ourselves who we should be scared of and not the cares of this world like school majors, or what's next. But know that God doesn't want us to ever run from him. He wants us to know his power and still know he's like a protective father to us, his children.

May we live fearlessly.

fearing love.

please ignore the mistakes and randomness of the stream of consciousness that is flowing from recent events. by recent events i mean my pal here finally falling head over heels for his best friend, a girl. it needed to happen for so many reasons which can be explained later and not in this post. but there's the background knowledge for where this is coming from.


in this season of love, i want nothing more than to give the love that i have away.  all this love-y dove-y business has given me the thought that i honestly just want to find a suitable girl and grab her by the shoulders and say, "please, let me love you.  i have so much to spare."  that's a dangerous thought, let's be real.  spontaneity and irrationality are not two things you typically want to mix.  but the thought that i had today that i desired to merely place that excess love into a woman seemed a little off base.  i pray that i can convert that romantic desire and love into one that is used to adore Jesus, as his eternal bride.
now i really do pray that i can increase my outpouring for God but i also realize that the second commandment is to love your neighbor.  and that may be a pretty girl, who knows?
as much as i want to give love away, i also fear it.  by fear i am employing more of the fear from the Bible.  granted, i do grow scared of having to put myself out there for another person to pick over and choose whether they want to pick me or move onto the next viable option.  but the fear of love is more of a respect. similar to the Bible where fear of God means embracing all of His power, His wrath, His characteristics while still having a healthy respect, the fear of love embraces all the power love holds while still realizing the respect it commands.
romantic love is so exciting. but it is powerful. it magnifies who we are and highlights our character.  so i am fearful of love for if i am not ready to give and receive it, it will magnify that unreadiness.  if i go out and try to love out of the feeling of insecurity, i will be forced to place my security in that relationship.  my only security should be in my faith in Christ.
i pray that through introspection and reflection i may be able to see if i am truly ready for love.  i want to know that my love will serve solely to further the kingdom and not to be a place of self worth.  i pray that i fear love.

sunday.

the decalogue contains no commandments to work, but there is a commandment to rest from work... the Sabbath rest is the visible sign that human beings live by the grace of God and not by works.


our sunday is the day on which we let Jesus Christ act for us and for all humankind. of course, that should happen every day, but on sunday we rest from our work so that it may happen in a special way.


~bonhoeffer

Isaiah 40

The other day I was reading my El Bibleo and got to Isaiah 40: 17&18...."Before him all the nations are as nothing, they are regarded by him as worthless and less than nothing. To whom then will you compare God? What image will you compare him to?"

This got me thinking. I take God for granted, I compare him and his power to the extent of how much or how completely he meets my needs. This is not ok, in verse 26 it says, "lift your eyes and look to the heavens: who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength not one of them are missing."

I hiked this butte called spencers last night and was able to get away from the city noise and lights and when I got to the top I looked up and saw the starry host. It was amazing, so clear, and to many to imagine or count. I remembered these verses and realized that even though all the nations in comparison to God are less than nothing. I mean everything to him and need to not compare God based on how much I feel that he is providing for me. Just like Isaiah 55 says..."your ways are not my ways."

father greg boyle.

right now go to itunes, search "azusa pacific university greg boyle". click on the left icon for the "morning chapels 2011-2012" and go to the bottom to download the episode of "greg boyle". watch and feel moved. i was sitting there listening to father boyle and legitimately felt the presence of God exuding from him.  please watch it and be encouraged.

friends with benefits.

i will give full credit to my friend kaitlin schluter for this concept. but now i'm running with it.

christmas break was so great for many different reasons. for possibly the first time ever, i can honestly say that being with my family was the greatest part about the break. i mean don't get me wrong, i've always loved that part of breaks but i don't think i ever appreciated them above friends and the time off like i did this break.
but as i rode the plane back down to apu, i reflected on the break for a bit.  i have tried to be more self conscious of my feelings / emotions / touchy feely stuff this past year as a sort of emotional intelligence.  and when i take inventory for those emotions, i try to determine what brought it about.  honestly an incredibly telling project about what fills me up and gives me more hp (to put it in pokemon terms).
but i realized that the friends i have in portland, including but not limited to my besties, are friends with benefits.  i came into break tired and worn out from an academically and even emotionally taxing semester. i'm not going for the pity party because i was obviously still functioning but i was just tired.  but hanging out with friends from home and having intimate conversations gave me more energy and life than all of the nights of sleep combined.
so if i have any encouragement, it is this: that you find what and who gives you life so that you may turn and pour that life into others.  i know that you have allowed me to come back to apu and be ready to pour my life into academics, young life and my friends here.