couldn't think up a good title so....

Im reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan and im in love with it....im learning every night i read a chapter and im feeling convicted and wanting to change (these are all good things right). Im also feeling discouraged at the same time. Im one of the chapters Francis Chan talked about how we can grieve the Holy Spirit....make God sad. Ive known this for awhile now and never really thought much about it but for some reason after reading that paragraph I felt this sense of failure. I have failed God for sure...I screw up with the same crap everyday, multiple times a day. I guess I never really took into consideration that my actions or thoughts drew emotion out of God. I hate that I make God 'cry' in a sense daily with my stupid selfish sins that i do everyday. After every night of reading I say my prayers and try to actually mean it when I ask for forgiveness and say ill do better tomorrow. I never do, I may feel like I do but in reality when i think about the day that just happened i didn't.
Look, I know that God forgives me anytime I ask and i know that it won't change my standing in his kingdom when i sin over and over and over and over but I want to change. Im at this point where I get so upset and down on myself whenever I screw up that I feel ashamed to pray and ask for forgiveness because I know I shouldn't get it.
I know I love God but why do I reject him and re-crucify him daily?

Im going to do better, I know as life continues and i learn and grow I will start to change and get better because im working on it and God will reward my efforts if they are lining up with his will. I pray the same for you guys, your doing better than me im sure but it never hurts to be reminded of who we are hurting when we screw up, not just ourselves and others but also God.

Hey on a happier note, ive been praying and thinking about you guys a ton and keep thinking that summer is right around the corner and know that we will have tons to catch up on and talk about! Take time every single day to be silent and listen to the Holy Spirit...who is not some ghost but an actual being...see where God is calling you and what he has planned for our futures!