fearing love.

please ignore the mistakes and randomness of the stream of consciousness that is flowing from recent events. by recent events i mean my pal here finally falling head over heels for his best friend, a girl. it needed to happen for so many reasons which can be explained later and not in this post. but there's the background knowledge for where this is coming from.


in this season of love, i want nothing more than to give the love that i have away.  all this love-y dove-y business has given me the thought that i honestly just want to find a suitable girl and grab her by the shoulders and say, "please, let me love you.  i have so much to spare."  that's a dangerous thought, let's be real.  spontaneity and irrationality are not two things you typically want to mix.  but the thought that i had today that i desired to merely place that excess love into a woman seemed a little off base.  i pray that i can convert that romantic desire and love into one that is used to adore Jesus, as his eternal bride.
now i really do pray that i can increase my outpouring for God but i also realize that the second commandment is to love your neighbor.  and that may be a pretty girl, who knows?
as much as i want to give love away, i also fear it.  by fear i am employing more of the fear from the Bible.  granted, i do grow scared of having to put myself out there for another person to pick over and choose whether they want to pick me or move onto the next viable option.  but the fear of love is more of a respect. similar to the Bible where fear of God means embracing all of His power, His wrath, His characteristics while still having a healthy respect, the fear of love embraces all the power love holds while still realizing the respect it commands.
romantic love is so exciting. but it is powerful. it magnifies who we are and highlights our character.  so i am fearful of love for if i am not ready to give and receive it, it will magnify that unreadiness.  if i go out and try to love out of the feeling of insecurity, i will be forced to place my security in that relationship.  my only security should be in my faith in Christ.
i pray that through introspection and reflection i may be able to see if i am truly ready for love.  i want to know that my love will serve solely to further the kingdom and not to be a place of self worth.  i pray that i fear love.

sunday.

the decalogue contains no commandments to work, but there is a commandment to rest from work... the Sabbath rest is the visible sign that human beings live by the grace of God and not by works.


our sunday is the day on which we let Jesus Christ act for us and for all humankind. of course, that should happen every day, but on sunday we rest from our work so that it may happen in a special way.


~bonhoeffer

Isaiah 40

The other day I was reading my El Bibleo and got to Isaiah 40: 17&18...."Before him all the nations are as nothing, they are regarded by him as worthless and less than nothing. To whom then will you compare God? What image will you compare him to?"

This got me thinking. I take God for granted, I compare him and his power to the extent of how much or how completely he meets my needs. This is not ok, in verse 26 it says, "lift your eyes and look to the heavens: who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength not one of them are missing."

I hiked this butte called spencers last night and was able to get away from the city noise and lights and when I got to the top I looked up and saw the starry host. It was amazing, so clear, and to many to imagine or count. I remembered these verses and realized that even though all the nations in comparison to God are less than nothing. I mean everything to him and need to not compare God based on how much I feel that he is providing for me. Just like Isaiah 55 says..."your ways are not my ways."

father greg boyle.

right now go to itunes, search "azusa pacific university greg boyle". click on the left icon for the "morning chapels 2011-2012" and go to the bottom to download the episode of "greg boyle". watch and feel moved. i was sitting there listening to father boyle and legitimately felt the presence of God exuding from him.  please watch it and be encouraged.

friends with benefits.

i will give full credit to my friend kaitlin schluter for this concept. but now i'm running with it.

christmas break was so great for many different reasons. for possibly the first time ever, i can honestly say that being with my family was the greatest part about the break. i mean don't get me wrong, i've always loved that part of breaks but i don't think i ever appreciated them above friends and the time off like i did this break.
but as i rode the plane back down to apu, i reflected on the break for a bit.  i have tried to be more self conscious of my feelings / emotions / touchy feely stuff this past year as a sort of emotional intelligence.  and when i take inventory for those emotions, i try to determine what brought it about.  honestly an incredibly telling project about what fills me up and gives me more hp (to put it in pokemon terms).
but i realized that the friends i have in portland, including but not limited to my besties, are friends with benefits.  i came into break tired and worn out from an academically and even emotionally taxing semester. i'm not going for the pity party because i was obviously still functioning but i was just tired.  but hanging out with friends from home and having intimate conversations gave me more energy and life than all of the nights of sleep combined.
so if i have any encouragement, it is this: that you find what and who gives you life so that you may turn and pour that life into others.  i know that you have allowed me to come back to apu and be ready to pour my life into academics, young life and my friends here.

tebow.

so i read this article about tim tebow and it was so well written!  obviously tebow is a polarizing figure in american society right now and i think the author of this article is wise in seeing the cause for that polarization. so check it out. and then go do some tebowing.

http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/Tim-Tebow-why-the-heck-do-we-hate-him-110211

mistletoe.

love me some j-biebs. 

though the rest of this cd is weird.

drummer boy + busta rhymes = really?

#ineedchristmasbreak