addicting.

in the words of a youtube comment,
"i loathe this song soooo much. but it is so damn catchy."
check it here.
and enjoy the whole thing. from start to finish. especially the finish.

couldn't think up a good title so....

Im reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan and im in love with it....im learning every night i read a chapter and im feeling convicted and wanting to change (these are all good things right). Im also feeling discouraged at the same time. Im one of the chapters Francis Chan talked about how we can grieve the Holy Spirit....make God sad. Ive known this for awhile now and never really thought much about it but for some reason after reading that paragraph I felt this sense of failure. I have failed God for sure...I screw up with the same crap everyday, multiple times a day. I guess I never really took into consideration that my actions or thoughts drew emotion out of God. I hate that I make God 'cry' in a sense daily with my stupid selfish sins that i do everyday. After every night of reading I say my prayers and try to actually mean it when I ask for forgiveness and say ill do better tomorrow. I never do, I may feel like I do but in reality when i think about the day that just happened i didn't.
Look, I know that God forgives me anytime I ask and i know that it won't change my standing in his kingdom when i sin over and over and over and over but I want to change. Im at this point where I get so upset and down on myself whenever I screw up that I feel ashamed to pray and ask for forgiveness because I know I shouldn't get it.
I know I love God but why do I reject him and re-crucify him daily?

Im going to do better, I know as life continues and i learn and grow I will start to change and get better because im working on it and God will reward my efforts if they are lining up with his will. I pray the same for you guys, your doing better than me im sure but it never hurts to be reminded of who we are hurting when we screw up, not just ourselves and others but also God.

Hey on a happier note, ive been praying and thinking about you guys a ton and keep thinking that summer is right around the corner and know that we will have tons to catch up on and talk about! Take time every single day to be silent and listen to the Holy Spirit...who is not some ghost but an actual being...see where God is calling you and what he has planned for our futures!

What is there left to fear?

This post is two-fold. One part is a confession, and the second being a revelation. Hopefully my bros can take some encouragement through this all.

The other day I woke up from a very (and much needed) restful sleep in my own bed at home, and I had that thought of, "Oh, I should dig out the Biblio and start the day off right." But that was quickly washed away with, "Nah, I've got all day; it'll be there later." So I continued on with for a bit, poured myself a couple bowls and cereal, read the paper, checked my facebook to see which fools didn't holla at me (why do I even get my hopes up). A good 2 hours passed of diddling around until I had to stop myself and say, "What the heck am I doing?!!!" (aren't the best conversations the ones we have with ourselves?) I am WAY to comfortable here. My little faith and I cannot even begin to grasp how desperately I need God. When you really stop to think it is ridunculous! First off, this isn't really the ideal time for me to say you know what I think I'm better off on my own. I mean by the end of next week I need to have figured out what major/what the next 2 years of my schooling/life is gonna look like, I'm about to start spring football and golly knows I need to some divine intervention in that. This could be it. Make it or break it time. And there's a couple of other relational blessings I need to focus in on. Yet, here I am going: Nah, I think I'm "goooood" (jim carrey, bruce almighty...ya feel me?) ohn. This ain't going down. The worse part was I truthfully didn't feel that bad for thinking this. I'm not trying to say that the first act we do each morning is crack open our Bibles and get crunk with God, we each have our own way and time/place for that, but it was the full out rebellion that bothered me..... and I was ok with it. Basically, all of this is to say is are we really trusting God with our lives or are we just faking it? Is this real to me? Because if it is then I would sure be believing what I'm reading in Scripture. I would sure be acting on it. But a lot of the time it's easy to forget........sometimes you need help remembering.

That leads us to part 2. For all our bilingual readers and followers this is for you: ¿Cómo te sientes cuando el Dios se revela? ¿Tienes miedo? How many times have I heard that to fear God is to respect him and show reverence to Him? While that may be partly true, I also see dudes in Scripture flat out crapping their pants when they come into the presence of God. Is God terrifying to us? In my case, it's hard to see it until I sit down and ponder. This whole notion came about after our boi Conor Mcwade (holla at ya!) sent a video where Francis Chan went hardcore about Fearing God. The actual idea that God is for reals is absolutely terrifying. But do we ever really experience this aspect of his nature. I think we get horrifying glimpses at it through different ways.

I was out on a hike with my momma this past week up in the gorge. We came across a thundering waterfall (pictured above) and my mom looked up and said, "(more or less) Dang, makes me think how powerful God is, and that's just a little waterfall." Thousands of gallons of water pouring over, able to smash anything and yes, it is just a little waterfall. In the OT while wandering around before the land of Canaan, whenever the Israelites disobeyed God or grumbled against him, he flat toasted them. Look it up if you don't believe me. He threw fire at them! He sent plagues, he swallowed them up with the earth. Yes, God should be feared.

Let's just say we saw God for 5 seconds. That's all I'd need. I've come to understand it would be the scariest moment of my life. Completely horrifying. But God doesn't leave us there. Look at Isaiah 6. (which happens to be the chapter I took my jersey number from......which was basically because Lecrae had a sick song based from this chapter called "Send Me"........hey it had a good message. don't be hatin.) Now, I see this in a totally different light. When Isaiah sees God he cries out "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips...." He sees God's glory and is terrified, but what does God do? One of the angelic beings touches his mouth with burning coal and says,"...your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for." God doesn't let us wither in terror, rather he beckons with, "No,no, you're forgiven, come close to me. You are my children."

Then this thought struck me as soon as Mr. Chan spoke it: “Then we would see, okay, now I know why I need to fear this God. And now I don’t want to just flippantly disobey His commands anymore. I want to take Him seriously, but not just that ... it would change our whole mindset, ‘cause we’d realize, now that I’ve seen Him, I realize there’s nothing else to fear.”

What else is there to scare me? The most terrifying thing is God himself! And he's on my side!

Prov. 19:23 -"The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm."

By first fearing God, we have nothing left of fear. We can lead a fearless life. Man, wouldn't that be fricking sweet. And that's what's promised. I pray the Holy Spirit would give me a real, genuine fear of God. Sometimes it takes just a little trek through the backcountry to get a glimpse of God's power, and remind ourselves who we should be scared of and not the cares of this world like school majors, or what's next. But know that God doesn't want us to ever run from him. He wants us to know his power and still know he's like a protective father to us, his children.

May we live fearlessly.

fearing love.

please ignore the mistakes and randomness of the stream of consciousness that is flowing from recent events. by recent events i mean my pal here finally falling head over heels for his best friend, a girl. it needed to happen for so many reasons which can be explained later and not in this post. but there's the background knowledge for where this is coming from.


in this season of love, i want nothing more than to give the love that i have away.  all this love-y dove-y business has given me the thought that i honestly just want to find a suitable girl and grab her by the shoulders and say, "please, let me love you.  i have so much to spare."  that's a dangerous thought, let's be real.  spontaneity and irrationality are not two things you typically want to mix.  but the thought that i had today that i desired to merely place that excess love into a woman seemed a little off base.  i pray that i can convert that romantic desire and love into one that is used to adore Jesus, as his eternal bride.
now i really do pray that i can increase my outpouring for God but i also realize that the second commandment is to love your neighbor.  and that may be a pretty girl, who knows?
as much as i want to give love away, i also fear it.  by fear i am employing more of the fear from the Bible.  granted, i do grow scared of having to put myself out there for another person to pick over and choose whether they want to pick me or move onto the next viable option.  but the fear of love is more of a respect. similar to the Bible where fear of God means embracing all of His power, His wrath, His characteristics while still having a healthy respect, the fear of love embraces all the power love holds while still realizing the respect it commands.
romantic love is so exciting. but it is powerful. it magnifies who we are and highlights our character.  so i am fearful of love for if i am not ready to give and receive it, it will magnify that unreadiness.  if i go out and try to love out of the feeling of insecurity, i will be forced to place my security in that relationship.  my only security should be in my faith in Christ.
i pray that through introspection and reflection i may be able to see if i am truly ready for love.  i want to know that my love will serve solely to further the kingdom and not to be a place of self worth.  i pray that i fear love.